Fear of Mediocrity

'Hold on, don't touch the food just yet.'

'Why?'

'I need to get a great picture for my Instagram story.'

'Could you for once just enjoy your food and not bother about social media?'

'I know what you're thinking, I'm not doing this for other. I just want a picture, now lay off!'

Truth be told, he was right.
I did want to portray a certain version of my life on social media. I want people to think, 'Oh, wow! She's always doing something different, trying out exotic cuisines, has eventful weekends.'
I read this great quote about Instagram being the highlight reel while we compare it to our bloopers.

Which got me to thinking, why do I want to paint this picture of me to others?
'I want people to think I have such an exciting life filled with experiences. I'm so not mediocre.'
And there you have it, the problem staring right at you in the face.
My fear of mediocrity.

I don't know what it is about our generation.
Or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better by stating it's a generic issue.

I always feels that I'm meant to be doing something special, something that will make a difference and change the world. False sense of entitlement?

What am I really doing about it? Am I doing anything special? Am I working towards creating something great?
The answer is, no.

So maybe I need to get off this rant and actually start with something.

Left at the altar

She always excused him being late. 

But 6 hours at the altar finally tired her.

This thing called love!

Thank you

For?

I feel like someone messed up my head

Huh?

Good Mess, I feel human

I'm sorry you don't feel like a robot

Haha..come here you fool!

#TinyTales

Say something!

I'm sorry. Are you ok?

...........

I din't mean to freak you out. 

I know

I was kidding..say something!

Yes!

What?

Yes, I would marry you

.............

I love you

I love you too!

#TinyTales

Here's to 2013

I somehow felt I do need to write about 2013, because it has probably by far been one of the best years for me!:)

 Reminiscing back this year has been quite the learning roller-coaster. It was a year of many firsts and new things in my life, so I'm gonna list them down. This was the year that....

1. I got my first job
2. my first salary
3. my first celebrity encounter, Purab Kohli *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaalssssss*
4. my first degree successfully completed
5. my first car drive all on my own
6. my first distinction in engineering
7. my first airplane journey abroad alone:customs, immigration,baggage..i had to  learn all those things! :P
8. my first stamp on the new passport :P
9. my first trip to bombay all on my own
10. my first local train journey in Bombay all on my own..and that can be quite scary, mind you!!
11. my first job interview
12. my first college interview
13. my first experience of getting totally drunk and wasted :P
14. my first iffi
15. watched my first movie all alone in dubai, shudh desi romance (ok, the choice may have not necessarily been the best) :3
16. ate lunch at Goenchin all by myself
17. my first marathon...wheeee!!!
18. my first harlem shake and public flashmob

So yeah, I know it all sounds crazy and maybe even a bit trivial, but the experiences were priceless to me! :D

Here's to 2014, trying to step out of my comfort zone and do something that is totally new and freaks me out! 

To new experiences

Saude!

So, what next?

'You have 23 LinkedIn connection requests'

Sigh!! Realisation dawns, that time had arrived! Four gruesome years of battling it out at an Engineering course, fast forward to graduation and the unemployment phase begins.

Everywhere I turn, people are going crazy. Online job portals,like Naukri and Monster.com are probably having their best season yet, with countless resumes being uploaded. That childhood friend abroad, suddenly, becomes an extremely prestigious connection on LinkedIn.  People are constantly running around printing/modifying/copy-pasting CVs and hand delivering them to companies, where you swallow your dignity and try to negotiate with the security guard when he won't allow you to pass the main gate.  If, despite this, efforts of landing a job are futile, change course, they try everything one can get their hands on; internship's, coaching classes,GRE,MBA. One needs to hurry up..Cause it is after all a rat race!! The person who gets the best job/university, the highest package, the fastest wins!  I admit to have been part of this myself. You try everything possible to cushion yourself from the much dreaded, 'So, what's next? '

Having passed out, you have got to have an answer for that, there is no time to breathe!! Life has got to be chalked out.  I think there's probably even an algorithm for it:
1.Go to School
2.Get a degree
3.Find a first job
4.Be successful at that job
5.Learn all the right skills for
6.The next great job
7.Repeat 5-6 untill 8
8.Achieve success

But is that really it??  Is my life really just an algorithm?? How does that make me any different from a robot??

There has got to be more here somewhere.........

The last time I ever saw her....

It was a breezy afternoon, the atmosphere gloomy and the wind turbulent, just like my insides! The air,filled with an agonizing and dreary tone,the sea of people dresses in blue and black blurred my vision. My tears welled up and I blinked.

There I was standing at the entrance of the Ribandar church attending the funeral of Anasthasia, when just a year ago we were both animatedly chatting on our college stairs and as teenagers ,discussing our ‘philosophies’ over life and plans for the future…..I never believed the ‘future’ would be that short!!

Here was a girl, exceptionally pleasant and down to earth, always helpful and had this beautiful gift wherin all she had to do was smile and the room would light up! At one end she had an academic brilliance that was a little short of Albert Einstein’s and on the other, she was helping her college win fashion shows with her beauty and elegance! Everything was going for her, and yet this is where,as most of us would put it, life happened!!

Exactly a year ago,she was diagnosed with leukaemia!What followed was nothing short of hell..spending days in the ICU,chemotheraphy,surgeries,sores and endless days shifitng in and out of the hospital..the emotional turmoil of having to come to terms with the unfairness of life being the worst of the lot!

I blinked again,as the church bells broke my chain of thoughts.Service had ended and they were carrying the body towards the cemetery and that's when I saw her for the last time,dressed up as a bride in a white coffin,beautiful as always and more importantly,peaceful!Her ordeal had ended.

I don't really know how to conclude this,but all I can say is,this is in fond memory of Anasthasia Ferrao, a genuinely beautiful soul and an amazing friend to have!May you rest in peace...Love you always.